Recently I found myself ugly crying on my bed. Nothing was wrong outwardly. In fact from the outside looking in I probably seemed like a functioning Graduate Student with a job and a healthy social life.
However, I was desperate, lonely and afraid. My malevolent emotions about the unknown and trusting God entirely pulsed through my viens like the blood that flows through me. So to appease myself and my fears I tried to control the small things in life that I could see, touch etc. As a result, my finances were in shambles, spiritually I needed peace, and emotionally I was a wreck. I was fronting like I had it together, when in fact I needed my Savior. At at some point I realized as I prepared for bed that if I can’t be honest with Jesus, what was the point of following a being, doctrine, faith that I wouldn’t put my trust in. So that night, while my two roommates were in bed just a few feet away I wrote down all my concerns and cried. Not a loud ugly cry, a quiet ugly cry, that expressed what my lips couldn’t speak due to the company around me. A cry that got to the point and allowed me an emotional release that I had needed so badly. This surrender was different, but familiar, I wanted to trust Jesus more and out of that desire, I stepped out of fear into faith. So lovelies, when life seems so overwhelming and you feel like you can’t take anymore recall this scripture Matthew 11:28 (NKJV) “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi
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AuthorNándi Archives
July 2019
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