Recently I found myself ugly crying on my bed. Nothing was wrong outwardly. In fact from the outside looking in I probably seemed like a functioning Graduate Student with a job and a healthy social life.
However, I was desperate, lonely and afraid. My malevolent emotions about the unknown and trusting God entirely pulsed through my viens like the blood that flows through me. So to appease myself and my fears I tried to control the small things in life that I could see, touch etc. As a result, my finances were in shambles, spiritually I needed peace, and emotionally I was a wreck. I was fronting like I had it together, when in fact I needed my Savior. At at some point I realized as I prepared for bed that if I can’t be honest with Jesus, what was the point of following a being, doctrine, faith that I wouldn’t put my trust in. So that night, while my two roommates were in bed just a few feet away I wrote down all my concerns and cried. Not a loud ugly cry, a quiet ugly cry, that expressed what my lips couldn’t speak due to the company around me. A cry that got to the point and allowed me an emotional release that I had needed so badly. This surrender was different, but familiar, I wanted to trust Jesus more and out of that desire, I stepped out of fear into faith. So lovelies, when life seems so overwhelming and you feel like you can’t take anymore recall this scripture Matthew 11:28 (NKJV) “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi
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Confession Time!
For so long I did not appreciate my Judas's. For those of you who are new to the Christian faith or simply don't know at all, Judas was the person who betrayed Jesus and pushed Him into His purpose for being here on earth( The Cross.) In my mind I imagine Jesus would probably be dreading the close acquaintanceship he shared with Judas BUT he endured that relationship for His passion and purpose. So although my Judas's seem like they will get the best of me, I remember that the original Judas was used to push Jesus into His divine destiny. Which can only mean that my own Judas's are only present to help me get Kingdom ready. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Confession Time!
I do not believe in crying in private. I will cry in any place at any time depending on what I happen to be dealing with. I know it seems weird to some, but I've had moments where I've been at work and overwhelmed and just cried while completing a customer's order. There have been better times when I have excused myself and made it to the bathroom in time for an impromptu breakdown sesh. I can only speak for myself but crying absolutely makes me feel better, I sometimes do not have the words to express to God what exactly I may need or even want and tears say the things that my mind cannot comprehend enough to speak. BUT... After I cry, I KEEP GOING! Acknowledge your pain lovelies, but keep it moving. Your story and your life is too valuable to wallow in pain. So, cry if you must but keep it moving & remind yourself that your battle is already won through Jesus! Much love and blessings lovelies and as ALWAYS thanks for reading! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Confession Time!
One of my BIGGEST pet peeve's is not progressing, but sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I will pray and ask God to move in my life like never before and then continue in a routine that is absolutely in contradiction to where I asked for Him to take me. Look I KNOW that we are human and breaking out of patterns can be difficult, but I would rather change then end up doing the same things over and over again... that's literally insane. Anyway's lovelies, I'm so glad to have you sticking with me and excited to see what God has in store for the new seasons for us entirely. Instead of dreading the change look forward to the fact that God's has given you the power to change gracefully. Thanks for reading lovelies, and as ALWAYS, I wish you Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi CONFESSION TIME!
this whole "goals" culture is toxic aF. I know some amazing people whose use terms like, "I wish I could be like ... " or "if I could sing like ____ I would be amazing" When I hear things like that I am deeply saddened at how blind they are to their own unique beauty. God has designed each of us EXACTLY the way we are meant to be. & the last time that I checked God don't make NO mistakes honey. My prayer is that everyone moves past this "goals" jumble mumble mess. That YOU!, Yes YOU can't be compared or competed with. You are in a league all your own baby girl, You better believe it. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi CONFESSION TIME!
I recently had to disassociate from a very close family member... Why? Well our relationship I realized was extremely one sided... I truly believe that no matter who you are or what age you should only surround yourself with people who are equally invested into a relationship with you. The moment your relationship with another human being becomes to feel like a chore I believe you should create some space. NO I am not saying to leave when you two have problems or break off a friendship because of a misunderstanding. On the contrary those things come to only strengthen and build thicker bonds. I am saying to leave a unhealthy relationship that: 1. Forces you to preform 2. If you cannot be your true self 3. When you are made out to be the constant villain. There are plenty more things that I can list about when and why you should exist a friendship/relationship etc. but I think y'all get it. I will leave y'all with a poem I wrote recently about relationships and convenience and I hope y'all dig it. "How Convenient" How convenient it is for you to love me when you want to To engage in a relationship that you halfheartedly pursue. How convenient for you. No need to invest your assets 'Or figure out how to love me best. No see, now for you...that would be too inconvenient. As always, lovelies Thanks for reading!!! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi CONFESSION TIME!
Positive Patty (my ever present personality trait personified) has been in the dumps lately. (i.e. I've been down & out) Howwwwww did I let this happen again and allow myself and the blog to fall by the wayside? Well tbh I fell out of step with God. I allowed my worries, cares and fears to drive me instead of an unadulterated pursuit of God's presence. In 3rd John Chapter three verse two it says "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers." 3 John 1:2 (NKJV) I honestly believe that when your soul prospers first then we overall prosper in every area of your life follows suit. I needed time to regroup after a hard academic year. I mean I prospered academically but baby ...... spiritually I felt like I was stagnant. All in all Positive Patty is back in full effect and I can only say it is because of the power of prayer that she's back. Relationship is really all about communication. So if you feel like your connection is getting lost with God, hit him up one time for the one time. I am pretty certain He's been waiting to hear from you. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi ![]() Confession Time: Being passionate costs you everything. I had no idea how much of my passion I had hidden because I was afraid of failing but when I really actually started to try to be the best at school, in work, in personal pursuits, My life became more rewarding. The hard work I had put into my own mini dreams had pushed me to pursue even bigger ones. Yes I am still afraid that I will fail but I no longer allow that fear to control me. I hope you don't either too. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi ![]() CONFESSION TIME: I really did not want to continue to pursue a relationship with God. I was on my Sam Smith “Pray” trip but trust I bounced back with the quickness. I was grounded with these words from Tasha Cobb Leonard’s latest album “You Know My Name” and I cried… I just sat on my bed and cried. After that I prayed… I was so tired angry and afraid it took ALL my strength to bend on my knees and confess all my hurt hopes and dreams. I was afraid to admit to God that I was nervous to share myself with yet another being out of fear that one day, he would up and bounce. BUT HE DIDN’T & unbeknownst to me Jesus/ God/ The Holy Spirit has BEEN down. So lovelies with that being said no matter how ugly the past you think you have, no matter how bleak your ‘now’ may seem, Jesus died for you and me because He thought the best of us IN SPITE OF those ugly things we try to keep locked away. Thanks for reading lovelies, Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi I am dedicating this post to my former youth pastor Kim Trawick. I was so lost on how to pursue an authentic relationship with God until one day I decided to take my mother’s advice and write to my youth pastor… my life changed drastically after i received her letter. The wisdom that was sent to me has continued to bear such good fruit i just have to share with you all. “God doesn’t just want the put together you, He wants the ugly dark things that sometimes we try to hide out of fear” Thank you Kim for those words that continue to give your girl life and remind me of how deep my God’s love for me is. I will miss you and Ryan dearly!!! Rock that city girl like only you can for Jesus!!!! Confession Time!
I lacked in the faith department.. Then one day God checked me via sermon. Basically the pastor said something like this "Why would God keep giving you an encouraging word if you aren't going to change your behavior to receive the promises He has for you? ... You aren't waiting on God, God's waiting on you..." when I tell you baby girl was CONVICTED!!!! Whewwwww... I continued to think about that sermon days after (still convicted btw) and I wondered how I could stop myself from succumbing to self-destructive behavior once I felt that particular pattern coming on (ie drinking, using past relationships to distract me from dealing with my own issues, etc.) to receive ALL that God had for me. Like how do I stop giving into 'giving up.' THEN BOOM! the answer hit me like a mac tuck via scripture. (Matthew 9:20-22 NKJV) The woman with the severe issue of blood knew something about determination that I had not known, it's self taught, it can't be bought. It's courage within oneself aka ENCOURAGEMENT or what I like to call it IN-COURAGEMENT. Baby girl crawled herself from her death bed all the way to her Healer Jesus and had no help not no one but herself cheering her on but her. When she got to Jesus I didn't pay attention to the fact that He told her that her faith made her well.... I stopped and that's when the mac truck done hit ya girl ... AGAIN lol Because she dared to have faith and believe that Jesus could heal her even if she could only reach the hem of His garment she was able to receive healing for an issue that plagued her for years. Her FAITH is what kept her going when her body was telling her to lay down and die. Her FAITH is what pushed her to reach the only answer she believed could solve her seemingly unending problem. Her FAITH is what helped her be made whole. So lovelies, If you are like me and have had some issues in the faith department pick up your Bible, and start building it up because ... Romans 10:17 (NKJV) "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi |
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July 2019
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