CÁndid Virgin |
CÁndid Virgin |
Can I be candid?
I definitely used guys for attention and solely distractions to escape myself. I would distract myself with different guys and mediocre conversations just so that I wouldn’t have to sit in my singleness. I wanted to be married and all that good stuff but I wasn’t keen on the idea of not having constant attention in the boy department. I dreaded time by myself and I didn’t want to spend any more time alone with me because I thought being single was a problem that I had and I was certain I needed it to be fixed quickly. It wasn’t until graduate school that I realized how much of a gift my solitude is/was. (Don’t judge me rn this is a safe space lol). So one day I decided to take myself out on weekly dates. I needed to force myself to sit in my alone time, engage with my doubts, hopes and concerns about this area of my life in order to be able to enter into a healthy and functional relationship. Apart from the weekly dates I would also take time to pursue my passions and study languages, read and focus on reaching the short and long term goals I had set for myself. I encourage you lovelies to spend time ALONE with yourself. Cry, laugh, dream, pursue goals etc. But make sure that you are enjoying YOU!!!!! Because I guarantee if you don’t like and love you by yourself, eventually you won’t like and love you with someone else. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi
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Good evening, morning or afternoon sugar bears!!!
Your girl has been ripping and running but trust I am STILL holding it down over here. While I have had some men approach me and ask me to share time & space with them, I found myself overwhelming uninterested in the offers. Before I would’ve jumped at the opportunity to spend a day with a cute guy just to appease myself and quench the desire to have physical companionship over waiting for a God ordained relationship. But then I realized, THAT’S WACK!!!! Like how can I expect to want a faithful husband if I react out of my emotions and fleeting sexual desires each time they flare up. The answer is I can’t, clearly! I hope my mini testimonial helped navigate through the dating or lack of dating moods/feelings that you may be experiencing. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Can I be candid? I am SICK of the question how will I get a husband/man if I'm not dating. I am constantly defending my decision to wait on God to send my husband my way. But what I learned most is that that is mostly other people projecting their own insecurities and questions onto me regarding my decision to wait. I have also learned to not make it my problem... I know exactly what I want & as my girl Jess from New Girl has previously said before her own marriage... Thanks for reading lovelies!
Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Slowly but surely I fell for myself. I learned to love every part of me.
The good, the bad and the down right ugly. I am smitten, straight taken & I don't want to share me... not yet, not until I am ready. & God will tell me. Until then I will continue enjoying 'me' things. in total surrender to my King of Kings. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Can I be candid?
There are times when loneliness makes it hard to see the bigger picture that God is painting. How I refocus myself involves using scriptures I will post below. Matthew 6:34 (NKJV) "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Ecclesiastes 3:1(NKJV) "To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:..." Song of Solomon 2:7 (NKJV) I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases. I hope these scriptures encourage you on your journey of abstinence/celibacy/purity. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Can I Be Candid?
I use to worry quite a lot about when I would find "the one" Then God was like sweetie sit down and read Proverbs 18:22. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) The key phrase that popped out to me after I read the scripture over and over again (cause TRUST it took your girl some time before she got what God wanted to say) was "He who finds a wife..." When I looked over the scripture I realized the truth that my husband (with God's help of course) is tasked with the responsibility of finding me. I don't have to worry! So I started to breathe and release all the anxiety I had about being worried about being seen, at the right place and making myself know to men that I felt would see me as wife material. I hope this scripture eases your mind or comforts that frustrated parts of you when you have them in the wait. Trust you may not see your man now, but don't fret lovelies, he's on the way! Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Can I Be Candid?
I miss my future husband STILL, but I am so glad to not be in a physical relationship with him quite yet. I have so much that I want to do by myself for myself that I did not even realize that while I was wrapped up in trying to find the one and figure out who God had for me... (those were the most annoying days of the journey) Anyway, I have been able to move past that and found a deep joy in the wait that I haven't really experienced before. I've been open to the idea of the wait but I haven't been actively immersing myself in the fullness of the opportunity afforded to me in the wait until recently. I am not saying I don't have days where I am ready to bawl up armadillo style and rock back and forth until the wave of hormones pass. (I'm human, a weird one, but still human classified). I'm just saying I don't let my armadillo moments impact the overall fruitfulness of my singleness. Not anymore that is :) Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Can I Be Candid?
This week was especially rough in the wait (thanks hormones). I woke up thinking about my husband, went to sleep thinking about my husband and saints & aint's let me tell you it sucks missing someone you love. However, I remember those times when I would think about my husband and try to give myself, my time and attention to men who weren't him and those times sucked WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY worse. Anyway, I found some awsome coping mechanisims to help ease my mind and I will share some with you below. 1. Self Care Splurge Remind yourself that one you are complete in and of yourself through Jesus Colossians 2:!0 and go ahead and pamper yourself whether it be a treat from the store or a full on spa day #TREATYO'SELF 2.Focus On The Positive Sure there are plenty of things that can be negative for you to think about regarding the extensive waiting period before you meet your husband but honestly I haven't found one worth stressing over sooooo put on some positive patty panties and your big girl boots boo and think positive!!!! Waiting long ain't wrong sugasssss 3. That sex finna be immaculate! When I think about the guys I curve and the amount of sexual frustration I have pent up, TRUST me it makes me want to call all my ex flows back like "hey big head". BUT... I don't even bother. I remind myself that all this waiting and anticipation will be something spectacular and magical once I bust it open for my husband after our wedding. Thanks for reading lovelies!!! Peace & Blessings, <3 Nándi Can I be Candid? I didn't have sex yet because honestly I have heard so many negative stories from girls bout how painful the first time can be. I CAN'T STAND PHYSICAL PAIN! If I can avoid it I will. I also did not like the idea of having a guy being so intimate with me that he is allowed to collab with me in my most sacred space *whispers* (my Va-jay) Anywaysssss, as I got older I had some other things that I thought would be okay to share with you. Below are some of my own thoughts, concerns and questions I have surrounding sex. 1. I'M NOT FAKING IT. I have heard plenty of girls tell me they did not like what their partner did or what was going on but they acted like it just to appease their mans' ego... NOT I said the duck. I refuse to put up with sub par satisfaction and reward a man with an abundance of moans and false compliments. 2. I HOPE I don't have to fake it for my husband. Honestly one of the other reasons why I waited so long is because I don't want to embark on a sexual exploration that intimate with a man who isn't fully committed to me. & yeah i know i know i hear the cynical people in the back reading this blog like "niggas get divorced errr day B" *Rico voice* BUT IDC AS FOR ME AND MY FUTURE HOUSEHOLD IT AIN'T HAPPENIN'!
3. Is It NECESSARY to have sex right after the wedding? 4. Will it fit all the way in the first time? 5. Do I need to do tricks the first time? 6. Are there sex classes for virgins? 7. How can I apply to those classes? 8. How can I apply to those classes without my mom knowing? & while there are plenty of other thoughts and questions about the first time I will save them for a later time and professional. & please feel free to share some of your first time fears below. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessing, <3 Nándi Can I be Cándid?
Patience is a pain in the BUTT but necessary for any successful love story. One of the first descriptions of love is patient. 1st Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." God is not always going to give you what you want when you want it sugar (I say this from personal experience) HOWEVER, The more you grow in your relationship with God you’ll learn to trust His timing. Eventually God will reveal to you step by step His perfect will in the wait. Is it fun? Sometimes No. But I'd rather be in His will covered under God's grace then in my own will doing my own thing. Thanks for reading lovelies! Peace & Blessings <3 Nándi |
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July 2019
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